By: Randy Straightman

In a shocking turn of events, a straight man has managed to make coming out as straight just as awkward as coming out as gay. Tom Johnson, a 32-year-old accountant from Boise, Idaho, made the announcement to his friends and family during a Sunday brunch, and the results were cringe-worthy.

"I just knew it was time for me to finally come out and be honest about who I am," Johnson said. "But as soon as I started talking, everyone got really quiet and started looking at each other."

A group of straight men, who have been friends for years, gathered at their favorite bar on a Thursday evening to discuss their sexualities. They were trying to reassure each other that they were definitely not gay.

The conversation began when one of the men, Frank, mentioned that he had gone to a Lady Gaga concert with his girlfriend. The other men immediately raised their eyebrows, and one of them joked, "Is there something you want to tell us, Frank?"

In a stunning revelation, local man Steve Thompson realized that he's been gay all along after binge-watching the popular reality TV show "RuPaul's Drag Race" on Netflix.

"I always thought I was straight," Thompson told reporters. "But after watching the fierce queens on 'Drag Race' serving up glamour and attitude, I realized that I've been denying my true self all these years."

According to anonymous sources, these organizations, which claim to provide support, resources, and programming to young people who identify as LGBTQ+, are really just elaborate schemes to recruit impressionable youth into the "gay lifestyle."

"It's really quite insidious," said one concerned parent. "They lure these vulnerable kids in with promises of support and acceptance, and before you know it, they're all wearing rainbow flags and parading around in Pride events."